By Bradford Bixby
The Mountain Times
Welcome back Dear Reader to another episode of Fore, bringing you the low down on the world of golf. Yes, golf, the game that is number one on the docket of honey-do list avoidance activities. Let’s face the fact that no matter how badly you play it’s better than yard work.
You might be saying “who is this guy to say that? He’s single, living in a studio apartment.” To that I would say point taken. I do avoid cleaning my place but golf is just one of many techniques I use. The most effective way is pretending to be asleep in my chair. I look so angelic I hate to wake myself up.
I thought for this column I would give my take on a few golf movies. I will be reviewing “Bagger Vance,” “Happy Gilmore,” “Ton Cup,” and “Caddyshack.. First is “Bagger Vance,” about a mysterious stranger that appears out of the mist to give Matt Damon golf lessons. And yet after all the hocus pocus Matt still had the worst swing ever seen on screen. Will Smith should be kicked out of the Ghost Golf Instructors Guild. Next movie is “Happy Gilmore.. It was almost worth it to see Bob Barker kick the stuffing out of that loud mouth idiot. My problem with the movie is the terrible ideas It gives the naive public, like wearing lug sole Timberlands to golf in and running up to hit the drive. I’d include putting with a hockey stick but I now own a putter I hit across my body the same way. Now we look at “Tin Cup,, a great movie that I was enjoying every minute of. Both Kevin Costner and Don Johnson had great swings. Then came the climactic scene where he hits five balls in a row into the water before hitting the sixth three wood into the hole. She says “that’s the greatest 12 ever made” and every golfer watching hollered back “are you insane!” If he takes a drop up by the water then chips up and makes a bogie to win the U S. Open he gets a ten year exemption entry into every PGA event like John Daly. And since the water had yellow stakes he could drop anywhere back on a line. Take two freaking steps forward and make the green. No one is that stupid or stubborn. Lastly is “Caddyshack” which, thanks to Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase is one of the most quoted movies of all time. My only complaints are firstly the awful Irish accent and acting job of Danny’s girlfriend. She must have been the Producer’s niece. I’m done now but I’m sure Siskel and Ebert are rolling in their graves.
On the local golf scene our women held their Highland Golf Day where they all wore plaid and played Scotchball. The event winners were the teams of Kay Rhoney and Carmen Wiesner who won two skins and Karen Reynolds and Nancy Lujan with one skin.
Well that’s all for this month, so get out there and play and when you do remember to “Hit Em Straight.”